My long hikes with nothing but the sound of my feet hitting the ground, and my breath as I struggled to climb some very steep hills, reminded me that I was alone. It's just me in the end, I better get used to this person and like her good and bad sides, because no matter who comes in and out of her life she's it. I felt a strange attachment to my camera, I took it with me everywhere. Even though the lens was heavier than I was used to, I carried it along each hike. The days got very hot, it was mid September in the desert of south Texas...my camera was literally burning my arm as I walked with it hanging on my shoulder, I could have easily left it in my car or at camp...but I couldn't. I felt I needed to have it with me, if I looked through the eye of my viewfinder everything seemed much more real. At the top of a mountain waiting for the sun to set, I could shoot my photos and I felt connected. This connected has not been present in my life for so long, I felt I could get back what my heart was lacking. I know it sounds strange, and some people go through life without any of these feelings or emotions or even lack, they wonder why someone could feel this way and some may even judge us for it and that's ok, that's life. For some of us its very real, the daily challenge to know that you are powerful in your own way, in your own right. My nights on this trip were filled with a vast sky of stars, a trail of the Milky Way overhead reminding me how small I am, yet exactly placed at the perfect time in the universe to be able to witness such beauty and become whole again. I had such little expectations for such a trip, my mind was set on losing myself in this space. Letting go, forgiving, not thinking. Something else happened, I began to love more of what I was not aware of....I have a passion for something I never knew I could harness with a piece of equipment and just my love for being creative. I wanted others to see what I witnessed, and to enjoy it as well. I've decided to return to Big Bend once more, I know nothing will be the same as the last time....I know we can not recreate the past, no matter how much we may desire this second chance. I want to give myself as many of those chances in this lifetime, to get a do-over whenever possible. To chase dreams no matter how insane they may sound when I speak them in my head. I want to relive my personal power, give myself the chance to love & live again or to perhaps to begin. To not be afraid when I stumble when things don't work out the way I planned, I am grateful to be lucky enough to do this...to be brave enough to make my wishes come true. Who knows what might happen.
I don't usually quote celebrities but this one fit so perfectly....“Power is being told you're not loved and not being destroyed by it.” ~Madonna