The sob stories are all the same, the story goes….he broke my heart…I will never love again..come here you beautiful bottle of Honey Jack Daniel. Yes, that’s me..the sobber with the story. The problem this time or everytime is that it’s the same story. I am constantly the dumpee….but not because I am horrendous and do not shower, it’s because I hang on a little too long to something that just isn’t right and then I self-sabotage..etc. etc. you get the picture. I never trust my gut….or maybe it’s a good excuse to drink a liter of Honey Jack. My therapist thinks I have mommy issues….I think I have men issues. I love men, I really do, all of them…young handsome, older groomed and a little grey is such a distinguished look. I have a friend who asked me the names of all of the men I… ahem…acquired one year and I couldn’t remember so I gave them all nicknames of what I DID remember about them. This, children at home, is NOT a good thing. It didn’t make me feel better about myself; it just showed that I am an easy lay with exceptionally good taste and a knack for looking younger than my age..…not all good. So in an attempt to make myself into a human being again, this time, I have sworn off the booze and am locking myself or at least my bottom half to a year of celibacy. Yes, I’m screaming inside even if I do look very calm and collected on the outside. Perhaps this will give me a more positive outlook on the male species or maybe it will just make me want to seek the life of a nun. Either way, nothing can be worse than waking up alone crying with nothing but the faint sent of booze and cigs. Cheers to 2015.
Touché to the dreamers and givers of good fortune, they have nothing on what I have put myself through during my Saturn return…yes I mentioned it only because it can be the only thing that is responsible for the shit storm that I have endured for the past two years. DUI, two failed relationships not counting the endless slew of bad bed mates…I’m tipping my hat and giving it a no go to dating, drinking, and eating heavily..wait reverse that. Let’s just say that at my age this should be a no brainer and I should be whistling Dixie on a yacht with my hot husband while I sip champs in the Mediterranean. I will give myself a little credit for job hopping in order to get to the next European destination, because that’s really what it’s all about for me. TRAVEL. That is my aphrodisiac and I am not giving it up for anyone. So the realization I have about the hellish two years that I have patiently waited to be over is I loved big and greater than I ever had before, got dumped by the love of my life via email/text, replaced all of those dreams with a wtf just happened, tattooed myself…again, traveled a hell of allot to London, Holland, Germany, Austria and Scotland….drank myself into oblivion, and had amazing sex. These are not all in order. So really, what’s to complain about?
My most grateful moment is getting myself out there…I gained new followers on twitter, chatted with amazing ladies overseas whom I would have never met before, and I started writing again. Although I do sense that my ideas are ideals, I know that it can only get better. Silver lining as someone once told me….there’s always a silver lining.
Views are not only mine, but all who come into my life. I share those I admire, and discard those I do not.